Sunday, July 12, 2015

Let's talk about floors

Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be. Ok, honestly, cheesy song quote aside, I'm mostly seeing only the bad flooring at the moment. I know that it will all turn out lovely and right but bare with me, this post gets a little shouty. You'd be shouty too if you just spent 5 hours removing laminate flooring tiles then stood up to massage your claw hands (again blame goes to the laminate) and noticed you hadn't even reached the half way point in the room.

First, laminate flooring is not sexy. Attaching said laminate on top of the original hardwood with icky sticky glue is very unsexy. It is particularly troubling when upon removal of the previous owners past sins, the wood floors are revealed in some areas where their glue application was patchy, to be beautifully preserved. If only they weren't covered by a thick sludge of sticky.

I thought my two days spent with a molding bar and hammer were enough to drive me into a red haze of lamin-anger. But no, I had to break out the big guns to deal with the glue in the second bedroom. Five  hours wielding a heat gun and I give you this:

Secondly, when your first layer of ugly goes wrong don't, just don't, decide that perhaps the next layer your sad feet need to tread will not only be ANOTHER layer of laminate, but this time you'll show it who's boss by not only gluing it within an inch of utter destruction but you'll pound a dozen or so staples into a few inch section - just because. Again, NOT sexy.

Even less appealing, less exciting and more cringe worthy is that time you burned a whole into the highly melty substance you all flooring, cough, laminate and then proceeded to fill it with wall spackle because yeah, that's how you do it. Then you went and covered it with, you guessed it, more laminate. WHY?! I implore all well meaning and evil DIY folk out there: Just don't. Lamidon't.

And then when I think it can't get any worse, I just think of all the pretty hex tile that they took out in the kitchen only to replace with the horrors shown above. But then again, what they left behind on top of the small patches of hex tile remaining was a mini horror vignette. You're welcome.

Well that went well. I promise, less "doom raineth over" next time and more "go team go". Until then, just try and forget the image above, I know I can't.

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